Not Yet

A few days ago i had an interesting conversation with a couple of my friends. Both in their mid 20s both working full time jobs. When we were pursuing our bachelors we couldnt wait to get out wait to get started on our “Careers”.
Its been a year now since i started working what was i thinking? Why was i in such a rush? At first i was full of excitement, enthusiastic and always always willing to go that extra mile. I put all my focus all my energies into it. . Now my focus begins to wane.

I find myself day by day more aloof. In and out of a daze wondering where to go from here. I’m bemused as to how to further myself. As a Xaverian i was raised to be a “complete individual”. I find myself lacking the “completeness” i once invisioned as having. All i do seems to be wake up eat go to work come home eat sleep and repeat. What am i doing for my fellow man? What have i done? The answer….nothing..yet. The yet bothers me more than the nothing. My conscience keeps telling me “i have to do something” worthwhile. Contribute something worthwhile. I havent done that till now but i will.

Then there’s the other part of my psyche the part that asks when are you going to do something for yourself?. When will you indulge yourself in decadence? Forget decadence i’d settle for dence? Forget seeing the world. Have you even seen your country? My answer not yet.

The question that really matters now is how to change the answer from not yet to right now?
My answer: i don’t know…yet.

Is this all that is in store for me? A life time of monotony? A lifetime time of mediocrity?

The only time i am truly happy is when i get to spend a bit of time with my friends. Those moments are sparse now months apart. But i do cherish them all the same.

Lately i”ve been contemplating about owning a piece of land far away from the hustle and bustle of city life. Far away from my career. Just me, my family and a few of my friends. Just spending the days working the land. I think I would like that. Just not yet.

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